Yesterday marked two years since my sister Toni died from COVID-19.
I am proud to say I had the honor of tending to her during her last months on earth.
I am relieved to say that during her last months of life, she was not alone.
I still miss her. She has become a part of the fabric of my being. Sometimes she appears in my dreams and she is whole. There is no trace of a tracheostomy in her throat. She breathes freely, without effort. Her smile is dazzling. Her silver hair is in thick waves again. In my dreams, she stands tall and her speech impediment is gone.
She was amazing in so many ways and, two years later, I still don’t have the words to describe the experience of being with her during her struggle to survive. All I can say is that I am left humbled by her courage and her strength. And I will forever be moved by the love and emotional support of all who followed Toni’s journey throughout her COVID-19 illness.
Here is the poem I shared with my classes yesterday in memory of Toni. Carol Brown sent me this poem after Toni’s death. This poem, in Carol’s ornate handwriting, is taped above my desk at home:
SeparationBy W. S. MerwinYour absence has gone through meLike thread through a needle.Everything I do is stitched with its color.
photo below: Ursula, my sisters Nora, Zina, Toni (the tallest one of the bunch), me (Fran), and my niece Christine.
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Of course I adore Toni’s tulip forks! And all the joy in the pictures. The color of love — how perfect. The love of those who are not physically present stays – though bittersweet, for a lifetime. Toni’s colors of love look like the rainbow. For me it’s the color of the last dress my grandmother made me in 1968 – blue, with red and yellow rickrack. It hangs by my bed.
So much love and peace to you Fran. You gave Toni the best gift during those terrible months, being with her on the journey. So glad that was possible.
Namaste,
Michelle
Yours is the epitome of a family, and of family values, with your love for one another overcoming every sad, tragic or hard moment. It’s so uplifting to hear your stories.
Thank you, Suzy!! Love and Namaste, Fran
I love this. All the best to you, Fran!
Thank you, Kristen! Namaste, Fran
Beautiful words to match her beautiful soul 💜 I will never forget 💜 love you sis 💜
YES, and I am so happy that you also spoke in Toni’s honor at her funeral. What you said still resonates in my heart. She loved you and Jim and your family so much. Love you, Fran
Thank you for sharing this poem and honoring your sister’s on-going loving presence.
Thank you, Susan. I think this poem really speaks to all of us who live with the absence of a loved one in our lives. Namaste, Fran
Thank you so much for this Fran. My mom is n hospice and she turns 94 today. I quit my job so I could take care of her in her last few months with us. Today we celebrate her 94th birthday.
I am thinking of you and holding you, your mom, and your family in my heart as you take the most important time of your life to take care of your precious mother. Happy Birthday to your mother! Love, Fran
Tony is a beautiful soul❤️
Yes, indeed! Thank you, Brenda. And yes, I did take note of the present tense of your words. She truly is. Namaste, Fran
So beautiful, Fran. I love that poem from Carol. Short, sweet and so appropriate.
Sisters are so special. I’m so glad you had the opportunity to be with Toni for the last few precious months of her life. I treasure those last months I had with my sister, Sherry.
Love you, Bev
Yes, that poem is so special. And I’m glad you had those last months with your sister, Sherry. Love always, Fran
She lit up the room wherever she was. Frannie, you took such good care of her. I know she’s happy and free up in heaven with your parents and Jeannie. Hugs for you and your sisters
Hello Lena, Thank you for your comment above. Toni did light up the room and she left such a beautiful legacy of joy and love. I know she changed many people for the better. And yes, I know she is free now, just as I see her in my dreams! Love, Fran