Big Heart Chakra Detonation

Last week, after so many hours of intermediate-level studies with Dharma Mittra, I was slightly apprehensive about attending his advanced asana practice class. Of course, I know yoga is not competitive and that the practice is about listening to your body, doing only what you can do, but still I wondered about the class.  What would we be doing for three hours?  Would I be able to keep up?

I arrived to class early and immediately noticed a very beautiful young woman who came into the room and placed her mat right next to mine.  She gave me a smile that was not unlike my sister Jeanie’s smile.  In fact, she reminded me so much of my sister Jeanie.  The woman next to me was tall and slender, with long straight dark brown hair .  She had graceful hands accentuated by long perfectly  manicured fingernails.  She was youthful and elegant.  Physically, she was a lot like a younger version of my sister Jeanie.

Class began and I entered a different state of existence.  I became nothing but breath, effort, and focus.  It was a hatha yoga class in a room of normal temperature, but I was sweating profusely.  I marveled at how my body moved from one difficult pose to another.  I had 5 breakthroughs, meaning I did five asanas I have never been able to do before.  At one point, we were asked to do pair work.  The young woman next to me asked me if I’d like to work with her.  For a split second I dreaded working with this gorgeous woman because I was perspiring heavily!   But I bravely accepted, “Yes, that would be great.”  Before we got to working together, Dharma reminded everyone to introduce themselves to their partners.  He said, “You must say, ‘Hello, my name is Dharma!’.  I made a joke and shook my partner’s hand (relief…her hand was sweaty, too!) and jokingly said, repeating his words, “Hello, my name is Dharma!”  She laughed my sister’s laugh and said, “Hello, my name is Jeanie.”

My heart skipped a beat!  Were my ears playing tricks on me?  “Jeanie?”  “Yes, Jeanie.”  “Oh”,  I said stupidly, “That was my sister’s name.”  “Yeah?”  “How do you spell your name?” “J-e-a-n-i-e”.  “That’s exactly how she spelled it”.  And then we got down to the business of doing as we were told to do:  I did a backbend and arched over her downward facing dog.  While she supported me,  I grabbed my feet and formed bow pose, giving her lithe body all my weight.  With her encouragement,  I let go of my feet, and grabbed her feet. She bent her knees until my hands touched the ground and with a little pressure of her hands on the ground, zoom!, I flipped back into a standing forward bend.  We switched positions and I helped her do all of the above and helped her with the flip.  It was exhilarating.  My heart was pounding with the excitement of what we had just done.

Eventually, the class settled into doing some breathing practice, pranayama, which I found to be very powerful. My whole body was buzzing.  Then we laid on our backs and Dharma Mittra guided us into a visualization and deep relaxation (yoga nidra).  I was present, floating in the heart of peace.

After shavasana, Dharma Mittra asked us to all put our mats away, rolled or folded up against the wall, and to form a circle around some mats his 4 assistants placed in the center of the room.  He explained what came next.  “I will play music, a chant, and I’d like everyone to chant along, clap your hands, and enjoy the music.  When you feel inspired to do so, I would like you to come to one of these mats and do any yoga postures you like.  Take no more than one minute so everyone will have a chance to come in the middle of our circle.”

My new friend, Jeanie, came and sat right next to me, giving me that beautiful familiar smile I have recently only seen in photos and in my dreams.

Dharma Mittra then cranked the music!  Loud loud loud!  It was a chant to Krishna.  Very unlike myself,  I got into the chanting!  I was clapping my hands along with everyone else, chanting the words aloud. I made up a new language as I pretended to know all the words.  At some point, I wondered who I had become?  I mean, who was this person, happily clapping and chanting to Krishna, swaying my body to the music, looking around me, sitting next to Jeanie!

Everyone was into the music though reluctant to jump into the circle!  Dharma jumped into the circle and started doing Dancer’s Pose.  Before I could comprehend my actions, I got up and jumped into the circle, too.  (Please note:  This is very unlike me.  Though I am not shy, I am loathe to “show off” and be the first to lead in and break the ice.) It was as if my body were on its own trajectory and my consciousness, a fully entertained observer!  The crowd whooped and hollered and celebrated me as I did a backbend, a wide angle forward bend, a backbend version of side plank, etc etc.  I broke the ice and everyone was either jumping into the circle or chomping at the bit to make their way in.  A whirl of exhilarating moments, and I was back to sitting in my original spot,  whooping and hollering with the best of them, encouraging those newly arrived in the center to express beautiful asanas.

As I sat, clapping and doing things that Fran Gallo does not normally do, I noticed my legs shaking, then my hands.  My eyes started welling up with tears.  Everything was so intensely beautiful at that moment. I was extremely happy.  My thoughts were: My life is full.  I am whole.  My life journey is amazing. I am studying with Dharma Mittra.  I , too, am a teacher and I get to share this incredible practice with so many people.  Jeanie jumped into the circle and I clapped even louder.

I think most of the people had already jumped into the yoga circle when the door to the room opened and in stepped a tall man holding a tiny baby.  One of Dharma’s assistants, a woman who gave the best adjustments, jumped up and ran to the man and baby.   It was her baby, newly born.  Dharma’s assistant had been working, adjusting us for the past three hours, and now her family had walked into the room.  I watched as she took her little baby girl into her arms and held her so tenderly while her husband proudly looked on.

I thought of my Jeanie who is gone, I thought of Jeanie’s son, John and his wife Jenna, who will have a baby in May, I thought of those who go and those who come, of death and life, of birth and life and rebirth, …of becoming a stand-in grandma of sorts, of the new life I so eagerly anticipate in May of this year!

Need I say it? At this point, there was no stopping the complete detonation of my heart chakra!   I was a torrent of gushing tears, a mass of uncontrollable emotions.  I had to get to my Kleenex, but en route to mopping up my snot-face, a lady appeared out of nowhere and hugged me tightly.  Oh, this brought on the complete melt down.  This stranger held me in a way my own mother never held me.  My mother would have firmly told me in Sicilian to go wash my face and pull myself together.  This stranger had a way of brushing away my embarrassment, of absorbing all my tears., of helping me place my feet back on the ground.

Was she real?  Did I imagine her? 

Before I knew it, Dharma Mittra had another activity in mind.  Everyone was standing now. The music seemed to have grown louder. Mother-Earth Woman disappeared to join in the circle.  I honked my nose and was pulled back into the circle, recovering from the aftermath of my Big Heart Chakra Explosion.

Yes, I have to admit that a big part of me was quite relieved I was in San Francisco, that I didn’t know anyone, and that I’d never have to see anyone in this room again.

As soon as the class was over, I escaped to the bathroom to wash my face.   A great catharsis had occurred and I felt light and lost in a good way.  I also realized I had left my yoga mat behind in the room, so I jogged back to the room, hoping the door would still be open.  Not only was the door open, but there was Dharma Mittra and his son, closing shop for the day.  I grabbed my mat and walked up to Dharma Mittra.  I wanted to say, “Thank You”, but the words got stuck in my throat.  Instead, I put my hands in prayer at my heart center.  He mirrored me, and said “Namaste”.

I smiled Jeanie’s smile and booked out of the room before a fresh volley of tears sprang forth.

I was on top of the world!

The Circle of LOVE where an explosion of my heart took place! (Not the best photos, I know.  I was shaking and teary eyed and very emotional when I took these photos using my iPad.)

Another photo of the Circle of Fire (the circle could take on many names!) Again, not great shots, but just want to relay what the circle was like)